Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
