I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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