her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
