I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
