Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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