Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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