so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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