i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
