everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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