One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
