Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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