My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize