we have pet lesbian snakes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
