i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize