no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
