yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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