Non-Jews are for practice
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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