i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
