she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
