I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
