Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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