How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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