Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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