I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
