Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
