I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
