I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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