You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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