People with herpes should wear stickers.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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