Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
