I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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