There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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