Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
did you just send me my own nude
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
