you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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