Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
