Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
