Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
