Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
