You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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