but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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