I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
