If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
