How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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