i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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