Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
