Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
