How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I love you. Go after that dick
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