ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
