so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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