he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
