I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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