he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
