i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
