I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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