I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
