he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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