Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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