I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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