Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
