I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize