Ambien. No doubt about it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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