I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
