the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
