My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
